As of yesterday, it's been six whole months since little Oscar-bug was born, 11 days early and after a somewhat long labour.
I do still find it a bit surreal sometimes to think that David and I are this little person's parents. That he looks to us always if he's upset, sad, uncomfortable and hungry, and just as much when he's happy and smiling. Sometimes we've only left the room for a minute, and as soon as we walk back in, his little face lights up like he hasn't seen us in days. It doesn't take much for those happy little faces to appear, along with a burst of giggles, and it's in those little moments that we realise how lucky we are. All he needs right now is us, our time and attention, and we will give him as much of that as we possibly can.
Yesterday, we gave him his first bit of solid food - a chunk of cooked pumpkin. I have to say, it was a little bit more uneventful than I thought it would be. He put it to his lips, gagged, screwed up his face, squished it twice and then dropped it down the side of his chair before completely losing all interest.
I've read enough about baby-led weaning to know that the first few (or many...) attempts at offering food are more of a time to play and explore for babies of Oscar's age and that for the next few months he'll still be getting the bulk of his nutrition from me, but I was still expecting... a little bit more?
Maybe I've just watched too many videos on YouTube of babies eating for the first time (so that I can make sure I know what the difference between a baby gagging and a baby choking looks like) and seeing those little fingers grab their food and shove it in made me think that Oscar might be the same. But all babies are different, and while we'll keep offering him food, I know that he'll take it when he's ready (which, you know, is kinda the whole point of baby-led weaning).
The last six months has been a rollercoaster ride though - it's definitely not been all pinterest-worthy photos and bunches of roses. There have been amazing moments and there have really really hard moments.
Our breastfeeding journey was not (and still isn't) the idyllic zen-mother-earth-goddess journey it's all so often made out to be. Instead, I got stuck with low supply, blocked ducts, milk blisters and a regular date with a milking machine (that's the best name I could come up with to describe it, that's basically what it is.)
There are so many images floating around of blissed out mothers feeding their babies, and not a lot of talk about how darn hard it is, that I really just thought it would happen like they say it's supposed to. Instead, I think I had more tears than Oscar did - there was an awful lot of me crying over the top of the whirr of the pump asking David and my midwife why it wasn't working? Because it's supposed to work!
From about 2 weeks old and every day since, I've hooked myself up to a pump roughly every 3-4 hours, and yes, I can definitely think of much more glamorous things I could be doing with that time. But while it's been a time-consuming process, we've made it to six months on exclusive breastmilk and I have to be honest, I'm just a little bit proud of that. Oscar is turning into a cute, chubby and happy little boy and putting on weight like a champ.
So, to all the Mums and Moms out there, if you're struggling, breastfeeding or otherwise, just know that you're not alone. For as many people that I know who have had an easy breastfeeding journey, I know just as many (if not more!) who have had a tough time of it, myself included.
And as a very good friend said to me, something that I've repeated a lot to myself throughout these past months is that 'it doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as you feed your baby'. It's so true and has taken the pressure off me during many a difficult moment. And out of all the very well-meaning (but sometimes very unhelpful) advice, this has been what has stuck with me the most.
If you need a friendly ear to talk to, please feel free to email me, I'm more than happy to talk or just listen to you - jenniferlauren.is@gmail.com
Phew! That turned into a much longer post than I had initially planned, and it's our 5 year wedding anniversary today to boot. Talk about compounding major life events, huh?
xx
J