I still haven't heard back on the job front yet, but its only afternoon Monday, and 'early next week' means Monday or Tuesday! I'm nervous...moving on.
One of the things I have been most worried about since we knew we were moving to Sydney late last year was finding friends.
Its so easy to make new friends when you move to a new school or go to university - you are all experiencing it together and its almost like insta-friends, just add water!! But when you move to a new city, its a whole new kettle of fish.
A few years ago we had a lovely person come to work with us. She was from Australia and had moved to Dunedin with her partner while he finished off his last year of uni. She knew no one. I knew she knew no one and knew she was doing lots of different things to try to meet people, so I therefore assumed she was fine and happy.
As it came time for her to leave Dunedin and return back to Australia with her partner, she told me she had really struggled to find close friends and that she really hadn't enjoyed her stay as much as she thought she might. It didn't help that her partner worked on the weekends which meant she had no one to keep her company.
When I heard this, my heart sunk. I knew she knew no one when she arrived, but because I had my own friends and my own life, it had never occurred to me that she didn't have any of that. After she told me this, I went about trying to make her last few months as happy as possible, going to lunch and movies etc.
The thing is, I very much liked this girl. We had lots in common and I really would have loved to have seen her more. The big mistake I made was that I didn't want to seem intrusive and throw myself at her and into her life, inviting her to this, that and the other thing. Looking back on it, and being in the same situation myself - I should have smothered the girl with invites to do fun things!
Entering into a friendship with someone who is already settled and already has a circle of close friends they love and see regularly is daunting. Will your friend invite you into the circle? Will the circle accept you? Will they like you? Will you like them?
I've known a few lovely ladies who have moved to brand new places knowing no one. The settling in trend seems to be the same:
1-4 months - Love it, its so exciting and new and wonderful - so many things to do, so many places to see.
4-8 months - Hate it, I know no one, no one wants to be my friend, I just want to go home.
8-12 months - Like it, I have a few friends and I am finally settling in.
I haven't hit the 'hating it' stage yet because there is too much to see and do, and finding a job has been foremost on my mind. But I know that I will soon get lonely. Its strange to think you can be lonely in a city that is bigger, population wise, than all of New Zealand.
And while I am very lucky to have David to go through all of this with (I'd probably be a mess otherwise), a girl also needs her girlfriends - who else is she going to see the Sex in the City movie with when it comes out in June?
I have this blog to thank for putting me in touch with some really lovely people who are in Sydney though - people I would have probably never met otherwise. In fact, I'm going to a Vintage fair this weekend with one of them.
But this is still a big issue for me at the moment - I know I need to be proactive and put myself out there, no body will know I am looking for friends if I don't tell them. So, do you have any tips or tricks for me to try out? Or should I just start wearing a sign saying 'Will you be my friend?'.
XX
Jen
28 comments:
Argh, it's not fun being in this situation! Good luck :) It's good that you have the bloggers to meet up with, like minded people etc.
Love your bow and shorts! Super cute!
Firstly I wanna say your outfit is super cute!
I kind of know how you feel in that I dropped out of school after year 10 so when I eventually went to uni I had no friends starting with me and knew no one in my course. Most people seemed to already know people from school so it was hard to make friends. Also because my course is so big you don't consistently have the same people in your classes so it can be hard to make long standing friends.
Maybe you could join some sort of club....like I sew so I would join a craft club or something. And just tell people you meet that you are new to Sydney and don't know anyone and then they know to invite you places so you can meet people.
I hope it gets better for you because I love Sydney and I would love to see you be happy there.
If you're working in the city I'd love to catch up for lunch some time ^_^
And you're right about the lonely thing. And Sydney can be hard to break into.
Esme's suggestion is a great one. Clubs and interest groups are the way to go.
i know exactly how you feel - i'm in the same situation as you are. it's not easy to find friends, and even though i have a nice job with nice collegues, it's hard to get to know somebody to do, well, things outside work with. i think while what you say is true, i also feel that i don't want to throw myself at people either. so this reminds me to be a bit more forward and just ask people if they want to join me in going to the cinema or whatever.
a/love the outfit
b/don't get too eager and jump into friendships toooo quickly,in case you regret them.Be selective!Learn to really love your own company,as it can take time to meet new friends,and it IS worth the wait!!!
Good luck with it! Meeting new people is difficult. I have some great friends, but a lot of them have moved on to other places - I miss the ones who have gone. Interest groups sound like a pretty good idea :) Events where there are people who are interested in talking could work too.
"And while I am very lucky to have David to go through all of this with (I'd probably be a mess otherwise), a girl also needs her girlfriends" I understand this so well :( I moved to the second bigger city of my country and I feel lonely and want to go (guess I'm on the second stage).
Buuuuut, I managed to do a few friends. I joined some forums of things I like, and encourage myself to go to the monthly meetings, although I didn't know anybody. I'm a shy girl, and the first time I didn't want to go but...I went! And have a great time.
Also, I joined Twitter and looked for people near me, with the same interests. No meetings this time, but feeling less lonely.
Good luck!
(Sorry for my bad English U_U)
Let's be Sydney friends! I'm totally not creepy at all, and have lots of friends I can share with you! I'll let you know if I go to the fair too, as my friend and I were thinking of going. Also, when your machine is set up, we could go on a fabric tour of Sydney too, or 'sewing on a budget' as I love some op shops in the Inner West!
Oh I so know how you feel. I still don't have any super close friends and I've been where I am for 3 years. It is really hard, especially when you're quite shy and quiet like me!
But I'm sure if you go around looking this super cute all the time stylish ladies will be dying to be your friend!
When I first immigrated to Melbourne from Glasgow I found my lack of friends nerving but I just had to be a bit more forward in meeting people and eventually it all came together.
Cute shorts n bow combo and I like your red wall
Sleekit x
You look so lovely.
I am glad that you are making some friends.
+Victoria+
http://tiedemanntribe.blogspot.com
You will meet new friends soon.
I'm not sure how to express how much I identify with this. I moved to Chicago half a year ago. I have two friends who I had the coincidence of making. I am so thankful for the both of them. You are right, a girl needs girls, girl chat, girl gossip. Some things guys just do not understand. Though, my husband is all for seeing the Sex and the City 2 with me. He loves that show.
But unlike you I never went through a liking it phase. I've always hated it. My husband and I have been poor since we got here so our stay has been full of worry and job hunting and jobs sucking and not being able to afford any of the tons of stuff there is to do and see. We can't wait to go home.
I hope you are able to make friends soon. Walk around your neighborhood a lot. Introduce yourself to neighbors. Here is hoping for friends (and a job) soon!
lovely set and outfit! You make me want to wear bows today. Must make sure to keep checking back, love your blog.
First order of business: Your outfit is the cutest thing in the world. Okay, having said that, I know exactly what you mean about moving! I just moved for the first time in my life in August, clear across America. I'm really shy, and I reached the "hating it" stage pretty much immediately. As uncomfortable as it is, I realized you just have to put yourself out there and introduce yourself to people. Worst comes to worst, they don't want to hang out with you, and you're no worse off than you started. Otherwise, you have super keen new friends! At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. :D
I know exactly how you feel! I just moved to a new state and while I have met some people, everyone already has best friends and a group they regularly hang out with. It's awkward to be a third wheel sometimes and I want to hang out with someone who wants to hang out with me, rather than pitying the new girl! ;)
I will be starting school in the fall so I will have more opportunities to meet people, but here is what has worked for me so far: I don't know if this is an international site or if Australia has it's own version, but I joined the site meetup.com. I looked (and found) a group of vegetarians/vegans that have meetups and potlucks and things like that. Maybe in your area there is a book club, or you could start a group for thrifting or checking out vintage shops! I know there are plenty of vintage-y Aussie bloggers so don't be afraid to reach out to people. :) Good luck!
aww lady...I know how you feel. I feel like making friends is this probability game I just keep losing. I mean, I do have people to hang out with, but I haven't met that one best friend or that one girl who I can tell everything, who can hold me when I'm sad and down and help me through things. And that's...really hard. Everything in life seems easier if you know someone just down the street has your back.
As to practical suggestions...perhaps join a book club? Goodreads has a functionality to find a book club near you...might be a way to find some people. You could also take classes for cooking or sewing, or maybe look at taking a class as a listener next semester.
Good luck! I know how hard it is...I wish I had managed things better for myself, for it's lonely to feel alone.
This outfit is SO adorable! Especially near the red wall! And with the glasses!
I find making new friends incredibly difficult. Really and truly.
I know exactly how you feel... when we moved once to Korea and later across the country, I had a really hard time making new friends. I especially had a hard time in Korea because of the language barrier, and also because there were so few women in the military town we lived in.
I think you are a step ahead of where I was during both moves though. I can't say that I tried very hard, and I ended up pretty sad and lonely because of my lack of trying. I think anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, you just have to meet the right ladies! Just be yourself and you'll make new friends in no time, and have a date to Sex in the City before you know it!
i hear you. I have been living in a new city for about 9 months... and i still don't know anyone and don't have people to hang out with. Its hard for me to be proactive about making friends becuase I am pretty shy to begin with... so i'm really a struggle. I'm not as lucky as you to have someone to go through it with unfortunately, my boyfriend is in Iraq for the year, so it a pattern of thinking oh we'll do this when he gets back and oh poor me i don't know how to make friends. i know I'll get there eventually, but i would love to hear what other people have done in this situation too.
I know exactly how you feel! I moved to the US last August, and didn't know anyone apart from my husband. I was lucky that his friends were mostly female (not that my friends would need to be, but sometimes it helps), and they completely took me under their wing. There are still times when I feel like they are his friends first and mine second, but so far I haven't felt lonely, and I have just decided to not worry about it too much until that day comes.
Good luck with everything, I am sure there are tons of people in the Sydney blogosphere who would love to take you thrifting, and to see SATC! :)
You look beautiful in your outfit. The shorts and bow tie work for you. Love your pictures.
I wish you well for your new move and new job prospects. I do find it hard to make new friends too. I can not imagine what it would be like to move countries. It was hard enough moving suburbs ;) You're receiving a lot of support here. Positive, isn't it :) xx
Oh I know how you feel!
I have had all my closest friends recently move away - it is strange to be in a city that is so familiar and yet without them feels strange and alien.
And as we are moving to Melbourne at the end of the year I am terrible at actually making an effort to make new friends here when I know I will have to do the same all over again then!
Give it time and I'm sure you will be surrounded with wonderful new girlfriends xxx
And congratulations on the new job!!
AND you look super cute with that little bow tie!
I know how you feel! Making friends definitely is easier when you're still studying. At least there are people at work who you might find compatible as friends. That's how I met my bff when we moved cities. And yes, it takes effort and sometimes people don't open up and warm to you until you make the first move.
All the best. Your outfits are stunning by the way!
I am sooo behind on commenting! (Apologies for being so bad! :p) Anyway, I just wanted to comment on this post because it hit close to home. I have to admit: I've never been one to have a ton of friends; even back in Virginia I had a small group of really good girlfriends. Most of this was due to having to shed a large part of my social list after several people "burned" me, but in reality I'm one of those scatterbrained individuals who can't juggle a lot of people. I've always admired gals who seem to have enormous social circles and handle it so smoothly! lol.
Since moving to Florida, I've really struggled with meeting friends. Part of this is because we don't live on the military base (living on base has it's social perks), we don't have a church to attend, and a lot of the ladies I have met have careers and children, which means their schedules are really opposite mine and it's been hard to connect with people who are only available a few hours a week. I did go through the "I hate it here--I want to move NOW!" stage, and am thankful that I weathered the storm (along with my husband--I couldn't have done it without him! ;), and am now content with where we are, although the socializing situation still hasn't been panning out. Most of it, I think is a combination of my natural shyness, and that many people I have met have assumed that I have a social life and don't make an effort to take me under their wing (and being shy, I don't force myself into their social circle! :p). So it's been tough, but I'm just thankful I've got my husband (another human being to talk to!) and my little circle of girl friends online! Otherwise, I'd probably be a blithering mess. lol.
Anyway, sorry for the novel... I just wanted to say thank you for posting this! It's something I've attempted to do, but never been able to articulate. :)
♥ Casey
blog | elegantmusings.com
I'm worried about this too, with our impending move. It's hard. It took me a good year to make proper friends when I moved to New Zealand. Aren't we lucky to have blogs, though, and great readers? They keep us sane as a constant in a changed world! :)
I'm behind on blog-reading, but just had to comment on this! (You are so adorable, by the way!)
I've been experiencing this same thing for a little over a year now, since we moved to a new state. Only in the past couple of months have I started to feel like I'm making some friends! I do really think you've got to put yourself out there and let it be known that you don't know many people in the area. Having a community helps: we've really gotten close with some people from the farmer's market because we go each week and talk to them often.
Now that you have a job, hopefully you'll meet some people that could become friends! I know it can be very lonely - I'm still in a phase where if I'm home alone and having a bad day, there's nobody here that I'm close enough to who I can call to come get me out of the house. It's tough!
i know what you mean, i live in a tiny town where everyone knows eachother... it makes it really hard to make new friends.
If i was in Sydney i'd be your friend :D
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